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Rob M was so pleased with his new bike, his teeth were glowing in sympathy with his gold wheels. His white rain jacket and gold wheels were all you could see in the photo in the mist (he’d closed his mouth by this time) - now mist was something we endured all the way to Wollombi and it was a little scary when you could hear a truck approaching for a while before you could see the oncoming lights. But is was cool again this year and that meant less cramping!
You had to be registered to go on this one - and by the due date, as the buses had to be booked and support vehicles had to be arranged and so, in the end, there were some who were disappointed not to be able to go. Morning Coffee was care of V at Bar Stelvio while we registered and talked bravely of getting to the end - the A’s (you wont believe who thought they qualified for this punishment) and then the B’s departed. Mind you a whole lot escorted us to Calga - like Steve A and Arnie (just ultra soft) and Chris B (Rachel needed him to go shopping) and Richard (no ticker) and Stan (in that yucky yellow jacket) and Rolf (‘it’s too cold!’ he mumbled from inside his balaclava) - and then rode back in the rain.
Tim R called at about 8 asking where everyone was hiding - he’d even looked under the cars. He now realises that he should watch TV more often as that way he might know when Daylight Saving starts - I’ll say something for him though he is well disciplined and found himself guilty and sentenced himself to going home without the ride, immediately! This despite that fact that Matt A had been dispatched to pick him up.
Now you’ll have read the Tremain report - well here’s the real truth. Mike O trained under Sadam H and does he know how to inflict pain! He knows how to keep order in the group and conversation to a minimum - cries for help were like like rubbing Denkorub on his scrotum - he just kept riding harder and harder to cool the pain and so it was single file from Mt White to Cessnock and the file was long with Will in the car and Jason too. Caveman, SImon S, The Rich, Grunt and Pat, Il Presidente, TBG and Stubsy all felt like they were being scorched by a fork-tongued dragon and fell further and further behind. Some melted earlier than others while Mike confidentially told me that all he could think of on the ride was ‘who’s looking after Bomber - and every time I thought of her my heart rated zoomed a tad over 90% of max and I had to slow down!’ And the others thought he was just being kind.
The B Side of things is best described as heaven by comparison. Mind you discipline was a little on the scary side and Matt had to gasp threats and instructions between rapidly required breaths. You see Oooooooowen has a European penchant for the right-side of the road so don’t become too friendly with this guy or you’ll soon be lonely. Patricia likes riding abreast despite cars trying to make the gap between her and her partner. Stuart likes to be an interesting target for the motorists - a bit like throwing darts at a randomly moving dartboard. And then there was Bomber, all dressed in pink and with her mind elsewhere (in the A’s I would assume) mumbling something about Mike and roaming the road like it was all hers and oblivious to danger.
Mary has a problem - she just can’t choose between one pick-a-plank and another. It’s like they’re all calling at once ‘pick me, pick me!’ with the result that she stops, pulls out her makeup and lipstick and mirror and brushes her hair and then makes her move - on foot over the bridge. And then turns feral as she has to chase the peloton. Not to be outdone Larry had 3 changes of clothes on the ride. She started in blue, changed to standard Peloton Sports gear at Kulnurra and then hit the Pink at Wollombi. And then, fighting Ooooooowen off at the door she joined all the girls in the girls’ room at Harrigan’s - secret girls’ business ensued and they all came out looking different.
Phil kept Rick informed of the names of the riverside flora and the secret to a perfect golf-green - don’t let anyone play golf on it. Rick showed an interest as every time Phil stopped talking he surged forward to win the non-existing sprint. NN (New Nathan) showed mild embarrassment while Mary discussed orgasms with Simon but he’d already been initiated to adult conversation at Wollombi when a random tourist came up a discussed the merits of racing saddles in treating prostate cancer! You never stop learning on these rides NN. The sight of Matt A on his knees trying to take photos (with his iPhone) of the B’s speeding around a corner nearly caused a giggle-wobble (a newly invented term for just this event!)
A democratic moment happened at morning tea. You see there were 4 ways from Wollombi to Harrigans: the easy flat road, the not-so-easy shorter road, going via Broke, and that Hill (there aren’t adjectives to describe this one!) Now it was a no-brainer which one to choose, but the B’s decision had to be vetoed by the ride master as they clearly weren’t in control of their senses when they chose the Hill! Long live democracy! Well the road to Cessnock got better and better and faster and faster and fatigue began to declare itself! Atagun started cramping and lagging behind fighting off Matt for the vanguard position. Garreth seemed to be hallucinating - he kept thinking his wife was coming to fetch him and save him from this agony. But the prize has to go to Rick - he never faltered and never complained, he never argued and just kept going.
The last move was Stuart’s - V was playing traffic light and information bureau at the corner of somewhere somewhere else and told him that Harrigans was close - just turn right then immediately left, go up the hill, turn right again and do a U-turn go down the hill, loop the airport and do a sharp left, a not so sharp left and then veer left and you should be there. Something must have confused him as he stuffed it up and took us via a holiday resort before getting us to our rightful destination! But we got there - the same place that Will was using as a stage to demonstrate his bicycle non-skills and falling on his head.
The epicurean Tremain did it again - prosciutto, pomodoro e mozzarella sandwich and all for UF!! You’re a star! And of course so are TBG (of ‘no one can organise an event like me’ fame!), Renee, Matt, Peter M, and V - bus drivers with a human quality! And amazingly generous with their time! I have to tell you, the B’s had the better ride - we averaged 37 which is just a tad faster than the A’s and if you believe that you’ll believe that nobody takes performance enhancing drugs to win races!
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