Peloton Sports Inc & TORC

Being a solemn occasion we had a sermon at the top of Hornsby - the stop was ostensibly to set the 2 birthday boys (The Rich - about 21; Il Presidente -about 70 and with the corner of his incontinence pad sticking out the front of his lycra) on their 15 minute or so start to the Calga and Back ‘Race’. Well we did sort of wait the allotted time - it may have been shortened to escape the heated sermon of TBG. You see, in civvies we’re a highly respectable, law abiding mob, but on bikes it would seem that our vision of right and wrong blurs and red lights get a tinge of green and one lane blurs into another and all of a sudden we’re a motorist’s nightmare! No more! No more please! We can’t berate motorists and expect them to treat us properly unless we’re beyond reproach!!

Green P was obviously desperate for spy-money as he took UF and a witness aside and described the unprincipled and cunning methods the A’s had had to use to keep up with Ray, Chardonnay and Bandanna Man up to PITS. His major whinge was that there weren’t enough car doors to hold onto and had to watch while TBG and his followers edged up the hill at 40 kph and only just keeping up with the front trio. Prosciutto Man’s black frame was starting to glow a dark red to mach his cyanotic lips. And all this time Ray was discussing the weather - with no one in particular as there wasn’t anyone close enough to hear. On the subject of language though, it would seem Colette and Green P hit it off - no one understands them and they don’t understand one another and they’ve asked Bob to join them in another attempt to build the Tower of Babel. Phil S was asked to be supervisor.

Steve was in a generous mood and got his wife Di to wake up at 0300 to be certain that the apple crumble was fresh for the after ride celebrations. He also informed Kenny that to help him concentrate on which leg he should be using, he needs to colour-code his knee protectors. Somethings are less desirable than the clap Kenny and believe me these are in that category. Mind you it was noticed that he was on his knees attempting to change a flat and they would have come in handy then - but you should know that you can stand up to do that task.

Il Presidente actually thought that he and Rich could win (since he was using a new specially smooth lanolin saddle cream that he got on-line from …...censored) as a team - but not having heard of the concept of team before it proved a little tricky specially with the Ray/Chardonnay/TBG/Bandanna Man/Jeep combination gaining 10 kph on them. But they tried - they whooshed past the B’s - Cave Man, Tim and Steve latched onto them and even that illustrious group couldn’t stave off the inevitable and they were caught but not dropped near Berowra. The Rich got paler with every pedal stroke and finally came close to losing his Dark title.

Tarzan, Stu and Dick Measuuuuures had bruised lips from sucking wheels and finally snapped. Stu checked into PITS for resuscitation and an ear-wheel change and it was a lonely slow ride home from there - no apple crumble left for him! Matt gave us a physics lesson - good wheels, low wind resistance and a touch of ever diminishing avoirdupois means no one can catch him on the downhills - not even Tim who contorted his legs over his shoulders and hid is head under his saddle in an attempt to lower his wind resistance. So Tim complained about Matt and Matt complained about Tim about 6 minutes later when suddenly he was out of sight climbing PITS. I think I heard ‘I’ll stick a couple of bricks up …… censored’ but it might have been something like ‘I really like Tim!’

Ooooowen didn’t get to pant today - no girls to follow (he can’t keep up with V) and he rode with General Grumpy who was in fine form lashing out at anyone within 100 m of him. The General took it upon himself to give a birthday speech while still chewing on the apple crumble but most of what he said was both audible and understandable if not credible. So no one fell off this year and the support car (Ray’s family) was greatly appreciated and only used by a few! Next year is Il Presidente’s 80th so don’t miss it!

Thanks for the great ride. Now, I know that it's incredibly kind to provide delicious cake etc for the post ride coffee BUT just bear in mind that we're having it at Pierres and you can't really bring your own cookies to a cookie shop! No insult intended and I'm not being ungrateful, just putting the record straight.