Peloton Sports Inc & TORC

At the risk of being censored here goes! Oh and just by the way, it’s in your imagination if you recognise yourself or anyone else in the following blog even if a name like yours is mentioned - my advice is if you’ve got a glass jaw, find something else to do NOW!

The first casualty was a Simon and the last casualty was a Simon - different Simons of course but they shared their misery in Bobbo. Traversing the 1st of the 4 Gorges Simon punctured his brand new tyre on his brand new Shamal. ‘I’m a pumper’ he blurted out to a metamorphic cicada ‘and have no idea how to use these CO2 canisters - why do they keep them warm with a little cosy anyway?’ He has a lot to learn this Simon - specially that you don’t drop the mate who stopped to assist you when you get started again! The second Simon was guiltless though. You see it was Chardonnay and Lover Boy Orr who made the break on the approach to the 4th Gorge (which incidentally is the 1st Gorge backwards) - 50 m a spy told me, but the truth might have been a little stretched knowing him. This Simon, who has been training on the trainer day after day after day wasn’t going to let this go unchallenged and sucked energy from the outer Milky Way in his pledge to catch them. He followed his nose lower and lower and lower until finally he could smell sand and then it was too late. Someone said it was the ghost of the delusional Poof Poof riding past that distracted him but no one believed him. The wounds were superficial due to the soft landing on top of Rob who was eyeing his own biceps at the time.

‘When I first joined the Club, the pace was much hotter! What’s happened to you all?’ And this coming from Vanguard Patricia! Well she may be right of course but how does she know from back there? The Effete Steve has finally earned his title and he acknowledged so when Rolf burned him off up the last climb. He tried big gears then small gears and sucked and farted but nothing helped. As Larri passed by she asked him if he practicing his standing at the traffic light technique and a spy told me that a little tear rolled down his cheek as he remembered the good old days.

Tremain’s a wily character you know - you’ll never find him shredding a tyre much further away than Hornsby - yep he was the second casualty and shredded it on the outskirts of Hornsby. He was already on his way home when the B’s sped by (with Patricia off the back!). You could hear groaning coming from somewhere between Matt’s legs - some claimed it was his bottom bracket - as he ½ wheeled Tim to Galston. Oooooowen showed that he’s a man of character! He steadfastly refused to pitch in until the final sprint and then went about 1 km too early ‘just to give them a chance’ he claimed as he disappeared backwards and backwards (even past Patricia). Peter T hit the Berowra climb hard as did Scott and this after everyone had just promised Bomber that we’d go slowly if she didn’t end it all and jump off the Ferry. Just to spite us though she led a renegade group home the short way and was onto her 3rd cup of coffee by the time we got to Pierres.

The 3rd casualty was GPS Malcolm - but it wasn’t that he was lost, it was that having broken 2 spokes and remembering Ill Presidente’s folly, he turned back rather than walked home. He did manage the top of the 2nd Gorge before turning purple and going home though. Well Green Sox,Stubsy, Dick Measuuures, Arnie, Steve A, Mike I, Cave Man and Jeff all pursued the A’s to the end. They variously reported that it was easy, Ok, so-so and censored. But they made it and weren’t dropped and told their stories over coffee at Pierres. Oh of course TBG didn’t make due to a major conflict (sleep or ride!)

Now what could be kinder than to thank your Ride Master for the day! The grateful Roberto is such a man and it would have gone to the Ride Masters’ head but for the fact spies reported Roberto thanking car for not riding him over, thanking Jeff for taking his chair at Pierres, thanking Tim for cutting him off and thanking Arnie for eating his cake!

Folks the MOM is looming! Gird you loins (whatever that means) and purchase potions to easy the pain of saddle sores. This one isn’t for wimps. Sign up like Matt H and Cave Man and challenge the likes of Chardonnay and Lover Boy.